A long time ago, when I worked for corporates, I was something of a workaholic. Always either working or studying, I left little time for friendships or socialising.
Workaholism is often a defence against intimacy—but I didn’t know that then. I just felt put-upon by work, I had some great work colleagues but wondered why my friendships outside of work weren’t as deep or fulfilling as I wanted them to be.
Gradually, as I began to change my lifestyle due to burnout, I realised something uncomfortable: if I wanted to fix my friendship paucity, I had to start making the first move.
HSPs crave deep friendships, but sometimes we forget—depth takes courage.
We want friendships where we can truly be ourselves, where we feel seen and understood. But the catch is: someone has to go first.
If you long for openness and vulnerability in your friendships, waiting for the other person to take the lead might not work. The truth is, people mirror what they experience—when you take the risk to be real, it gives them permission to do the same.
Have you ever watched little kids playing in a playground? One might start playing with another and then, after 10 minutes, say, “I like you. Will you be my friend?” often the other says, “OK. I like you too”.
Now, I’m not advocating that level of spontaneity (though imagine the possibilities of it being that simple!), but what if you leaned just a little more into vulnerability? A little more emotional intimacy than you’re used to?
Step outside your comfort zone into your growth zone. Every time you do, it builds resilience and makes it easier the next time.
Making new friends as an adult can be hard, so what risks are you willing to take to make new friends?
Join me and other HSPs at HSPconnect.app