Highly sensitive people often think they’re procrastinating. ‘Why can’t I just get stuff done?’ is the internal voice of self-criticism.
Maybe you need to have a rethink – that it’s not procrastination at all.,
Let’s explore some ways of getting things done that are easier for HSPs
I’ve been thinking about writing something on procrastination for a few years. Yes, years. It’s been one of those topics bubbling away in the back of my mind. Every time I read or hear something about the topic, I file it away in my Procrastination folder in Evernote (oh yes, the irony of this). So why am I writing it now? Simple – it’s because I have a deadline. OK it’s a self-imposed deadline but still a deadline. You see, as I have a new website that’s almost ready to launch, I’d like to launch it with some content.
Procrastination is often defined as ‘putting off a task or an activity by distracting yourself through doing other tasks and other activities that are either unrelated or don’t help the original task get done’. If we take this definition of procrastination, then it needs to be reframed for HSPs.
It seems there’s a deeper process going on.
For HSPs, it’s more about wanting to gather as much research and think about this topic as much as they possibly can. Then, when there’s a deadline, putting all of that creative energy and all of those resources into this thing to be produced. To me, this feels very different from a distraction. I may go and do the washing up in the middle of writing this, but it’s so much more than a distraction, it’s a pause and a change of physical energy which allows me time to think about the last few paragraphs in a different way.
We know from all the research that HSPs need more time to process, because there is so much to process; our brains are more active than non-HSPs (link to research). We HSPs need time to think, savour, and reflect on our thinking process itself. When this is around a particular task, it feels like this is simply more research time that HSPs need.
Reasons HSPs might delay
Perfectionism
One of the reasons for procrastination is perfectionism. The belief that the task must be perfect and, if only we had a bit more time, then we could polish our output even more. In Transactional Analysis, we talk of Drivers of conditional OK-ness. The Be Perfect driver is one. The unconscious thinking goes, “I’m OK as long as I get everything right, make no mistakes, and then it will be perfect.” If you have this Driver, then it’s no wonder you might drag things out until they’re just right. One way of countering this is to allow yourself to make little mistakes knowingly and stay with the discomfort of this. This might be as simple as noticing a typo and not correcting it (yes, let a typo go, it’s OK, now breathe. You can do this). Repeat until you can tolerate making a few more noncritical mistakes. Say to yourself repeatedly, “This is good enough.”
Perfectionism in HSPs is linked to the ‘pause to check’ attribute. In Elaine Aron’s original research on highly sensitive people (link to research), she identified one of the key differences between HSPs and non-HSPs as the former will ‘pause to check’ every situation and every task. This helps HSPs see all details and connect these to the bigger picture. This means they will survey the area, gather all their research, get a strong picture of what’s going on and what they need to do, and only then will they act, knowing that they will most likely act correctly.
Non-HSPs don’t typically do this. They will jump straight in and try something, and if that doesn’t work then they’ll try something else, and keep going, keep making mistakes until they get it right.
Sometimes, HSPs delay tasks because we set a very high standard in our minds around how something is going to turn out. This is because we’ve thought about the topic an awful lot. We’ve worked out in our minds how it’s going to look, how all the parts will work together, and how great it’s going to be.
Then we come to actually doing the thing in the real world.
It’s suddenly much harder, more complex than the thinking was because there are actual physical words to write or actual parts to build – it’s no longer a concept but a real material thing. Many HSPs get despondent at this point and think “oh that wasn’t very good” or even “I’ve failed.” Again, the work here is to write yourself a project plan knowing that things always take longer than you think they will. Factor-in your thinking time – 3 times more time than you think you need – then, let your thoughts marinate, turn over ideas in your mind, and rest your thinking too with physical activity or mediation so that you can come back to an idea refreshed.
Not upsetting others
The other Driver that I see playing out with HSPs is the Please Others driver. This is a conditional sense of OKness as long as you are always pleasing others, keeping them happy, possibly putting their needs before your own. This leads into HSPs’ dread of making a mistake and then being criticised for it. This dread is so much more prevalent in a workplace setting where you work with others (rather than if you work for yourself) as HSPs dislike being watched. HSPs savour harmony; criticism often cuts us like a knife.
A way of breaking this pattern is by recognising your people-pleasing patterns and starting in small ways to put yourself first. For example, it might be that you always stay late to clear all your email requests from others. In this case, start setting boundaries by telling others when they may expect a response from you and give yourself a set time to leave your desk every day, regardless of how many outstanding requests you have.
Structured Procrastination
Philosophy professor, John Perry, wrote a well known paper in the 1990s called ‘Structured Procrastination’ and followed it up years later with his book ‘The Art of Procrastination’. I particularly like his idea of adding to your to-do lists things you already do, like not snoozing your alarm button and sitting up to do your morning meditation.
Another is the permission to drop tasks that are not important or that don’t support your overall task. I think of this as having too many tabs open on your computer. They are all topics you’ve been researching, that in some way support your overall project, but sometimes you need to be focused and close down half the tabs. The simple fact you’ve got 24 tabs open is overwhelming and can hinder your focus. It’s just too much to process. Keep reminding yourself what the exam question is for your project in hand and anything that deviates too much from answering that exam question needs to be closed down.
Lastly, from Perry’s book, recognise that procrastination isn’t always a bad thing and that it goes against a conformist culture where we are always encouraged to be more productive.
In conclusion
How would it be if you allowed yourself to think of gathering resources and pondering over them as HSP research time, not procrastination?
Let’s reframe procrastination into a self-compassionate HSP way of being. Let’s embrace our depth of processing capability. We weren’t meant to thrive in a factory mindset..
Here are my HSP project hacks
- Have a deadline
- Mindset is everything. If you go into a project thinking it’s going to be difficult, it will be. Let yourself know that you can do this project with a lightness of touch, with relative ease and grace and that it doesn’t need to be tortuous.
- Before you start, imagine finishing the project. Imagine what the project will look like when finished, how people will react to it, how you will feel. Imagine your sense of accomplishment when you’ve completed the project. This will help anchor in your mind that you can do this, and how it’s going to happen.
- Create a project plan with dependencies – structure and routine is very important for HSPs
a. Factor into this lots of thinking time – something we rarely write into project plans
b. HSPs need routine and structure (until they don’t!) so detailing a project plan acts as a container for project and deadline anxieties
c. Write the project plan fairly swiftly. Don’t use writing the project plan as an avoidance tactic from working on the project itself.
d. Write in lots of small wins, small achievements, as ticking some of these off will make you feel better.
e. Factor into your plan talking through your ideas and key stages with others. Even if you work alone do this. HSPs are contextual thinkers and we sometimes need the perspectives of others to help our creative process. - Keep a well-structured research file with all your thinking about the topic and nuggets of insights and information into the topic.
a. Enforce a time limit on gathering information otherwise you could always gather more. - Complete the project
- Celebrate! This is a very important step as if you have a perfectionist streak, you’ll just want to jump straight onto the next project. Don’t do this. Stop, acknowledge your accomplishments and celebrate.