I can’t believe it’s been 6 months since my last newsletter. I’ve thought about writing this on and off a few times and always come back to trusting myself to write when the time feels right. Especially not succumbing to the pressure of the ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts’ to send something out regularly. In giving myself permission to take my time and not submit to internal pressure, my hope is that in some small way, it also gives you permission to trust your own process more.
If you’re squeamish about medical procedures, you might want to skip this first section.
Surgery
I had been waiting for over a year for cataract surgery. Those of you in the UK know that there are long waiting lists on the NHS for this and for many other routines operations. You might be thinking, ‘are you that old Cindy to need cataract surgery?’ as a few people had said to me! For some reason that completely eludes me now, the reality was that when I was in my teens and 20s I never wore sunglasses. This is the most likely cause that set me up for cataracts as I got older. Please take heed younger readers and always wear good quality sunglasses.
I received my surgery date with 2 week’s notice and was booked in for February 2nd. As soon as I had the date I contacted a friend who is an excellent hypnotherapist. I was planning to ask for heavy sedation for the procedure and I also wanted the support of hypnotherapy. My friend took me through an extensive process to prepare me and help me stay calm during the procedure.
On the day of the operation I was feeling fully prepared and calm until I was told that I couldn’t have any sedation. I hadn’t read the sedation instructions as it was in a very small attachment that I’d missed. Rather than postponing the operation for possibly another month or two, I decided that with my hypnotherapy support I was OK to go through the procedure fully conscious.
On the operating table there were two parts of me I was aware of, one part was terrified and the other part was soothing and reassuring the terrified part. The reassuring part was much stronger and I was able to focus on breathing and visualisation throughout the operation to stay calm.
The next day I could see clearly for the first time in years and over the following week as the swelling reduced I was amazed at the difference in my sight.
Hives
4 days after the surgery one evening after eating I suddenly developed a burning, raised rash over almost one third of my body. I phoned a friend in a panic as the NHS first line service just advised calling my doctor or going to A&E at the hospital. My friend advised taking a cold shower, using oatmeal body cream and taking an antihistamine tablet, thankfully all of which I had at home. Within a couple of hours the rash has calmed.
At the same time I developed the first of 5 styes that appeared on the eyelids of both eyes. On speaking with the eye hospital about this they of course said it was nothing to do with my cataract surgery. A point I was less certain about.
This pattern of hives then repeated itself every few days and I would repeat the home treatment. Plus about once a week I developed a new stye. Eventually after nearly 2 weeks of trying, I spoke to a doctor who advised me to take a specific antihistamine tablet every day for 2 weeks. I did this and the rash stopped. I wanted to come off the antihistamines as they made me feel spaced out, just not fully present. I researched histamine intolerance and decided to start on a low histamine diet and then gradually come off the tablets. I stayed on this diet for 4 months and felt better for it. The hives stopped and didn’t come back as I started to gradually reintroduce high histamine foods again. I also bought over the counter antibacterial eye drops which eventually stopped the reoccurrence of styes.
Iris
During this time my beautiful dog Iris got ill quite suddenly and within 3 days sadly died. She was a remarkable 18 years old and still coming out with me for a one hour daily walk. It was such a shock and I was heartbroken. The photo is of her taken a few years ago.
Cumulative stress
I almost forget to mention that I had builders working on a new extension to my house. They were coming in and out of my house since August 2023. Although they were respectful when I was working and trying to be quiet, my HSP nervous system was on high alert as I couldn’t not know they were always around.
With hindsight, I can look back on this time now and see it as the cumulative effect of stress. I hope you’ve had a chance to read the two articles by Elaine Aaron because what I took from those was that HSPs are much more susceptible to stress, much more open to stress whether we consciously realise this or not. It’s that stress held in my body that resulted in my strange outbreaks.
I had thought during my cataract surgery that I was consciously managing the stress of the surgery but I think what happened to me afterwards was my nervous system responding to that stress, overriding what my conscious mind was thinking (or trying to control). As Gabor Mate lays out in this book, “When the body says no: the hidden cost of stress” which is another book I highly recommend, our bodies are much better barometers than our minds in telling us how we need to care for ourselves and when things are out of alignment with our whole selves.
The stress had led to a cycle of inflammation in my body and once that cycle had taken hold, I realised there was nothing to do except be patient, rest and look after myself as best I could – reduce all demands on myself. Patience is the hardest thing to cultivate, especially when you just want to feel better.
Whatever challenges you’re facing, I wish you oodles of self-care and permission to take whatever time you need for your individual process to work itself out.
Cindy